20 February 2006

and i get cream cheese!

because i'm not quite eccentric enough, i've started listening to russian techno lately. lately as in the past six months, but i guess when every day blurs into one, "lately" is relative. anyway, tonight i got a new PPK album. i'm so psyched. i dumped all the songs onto the iPod, and immediately added them to the 'driving to VA' playlist. i don't know what i did, but i was adding stuff to the playlist before i left on saturday, and as i'm driving, all of the sudden, ben harper's "she's only happy in the sun" comes blaring out of the speakers. now, don't get me wrong - i love ben harper. i wouldn't have him on my iPod if i didn't. but when i'm zooming down the DC beltway at 80mph, barely keeping up with traffic, the last thing i need to hear is an accoustic ballad.

when i was visiting, jeff said "so, when're you having your own?" referring to the babies. i told him, "why do i need to have any when you have so many?" he brought it up later when missy and i were both rocking a baby and he was cooking. "so you're really not gonna have any kids?" i looked at missy and said, "when have i ever wanted kids?" "never," she answered without missing a beat. it's true. i don't. it's not that i don't love babies. but i don't have the patience to be a mother, or the money, or the responsibility. besides, being aunty tippy is a lot more fun. i can leave. i can come home to a silent, if lonesome, house, i can pee without being interrupted, i can get dressed without worrying if spit-up will show on my shoulder.

but i do love to visit with miss and the babies. it's always like my birthday. see, missy and jeff bought a house with mom and dad. they all live together. i live alone, 100 miles away. i don't begrudge the situation. i wanted out, so i left. missy and i lived together for about a year, when ty was her only kid (as an aside, she's the only roommate i can tolerate). but my parents know i feel kind of shortchanged about a lot of things, and so does missy. as a result, every time i go over, i leave with gifts. this time, missy gave me a plethora of beauty products, and mom told me to make a list of stuff i wanted from pricemart. i also raided the garage fridge and snagged 2 packages of cream cheese. i'm not exactly sure why, because i don't use cream cheese all that much, but hey! i might!

i'm not bitter anymore that my sister and my ex hooked up. i'm still pretty gunshy when it comes to dating, but any bitterness i had dissolved when she got pregnant with the twins. karma paid her back. sometimes, i'm a little jealous, cause i'd kind of like someone to love and be loved by, but mostly, i just don't want to wind up like MY mother (my real one - not the one i write about most of the time). my ma lives in maine, on an island, in a fantastic 3BR, 100 year old house that she has managed to pack to the gills with shit. books, cats, dolls, trash, enough food to feed a small army.

you see, my mom is a hoarder. i'm not ashamed to admit this like i used to be. it's so much more common a thing that i ever imagined. but there's no hope i'll wind up that way. i may be a little sloppy sometimes in my housekeeping, but overall, there's a place for everything, and everything's in its place. i don't keep just to keep. i think living in an efficiency apartment has really helped me with that. you can only keep so much stuff before it starts to overtake you. my mom also has 6 cats. i think 6. 6 long haired cats. 6 cats. i keep losing count. so add up hoarding, utter lack of housekeeping skills, and a large 3 BR home, and i don't even like to visi (6 cats). i'm terrified i'll be like that. when i was younger, i just didn't want my mom to be alone (6 cats). but now, ive realised that being alone isn't such a bad rap, but being alone and living in filth and squalor - that's not acceptable. i want to go spend some time with her, bring a 40yd dumpster with me (that's the HUGE one) and throw away everything she hasn't used in 6 months, isn't seasonal, and is not worth a minimum of 10x its original selling price. i also want to hire her a maid (6 long haired cats). did i mention the 6 cats.

back to being alone... remember the amateur comedian i mentioned in my first entry? on paper, he's great. he's a bartender here in town, he's attractive, somewhat funny, my age... and i like him a lot. the other day we were shooting the shit, and apropos of nothing, he said something overtly sexual to me. now, don't get me wrong. i'm the dirtiest bitch you may know. i have no problem talking about blow jobs, anal sex, lesbians, double-headed dildos, etc. i say "cock" and "pussy" i don't believe in "penis" and "vagina" unless i'm at the doctor. but i'm not like that with relative strangers. it really took me aback, and this formerly great guy had dropped a notch in my eyes. if we had been talking about sex, i wouldn't have minded, although what he said was rather forward (he said, euphamistically, that he couldn't wait to fuck me - we haven't even met). when i was younger, i had no problem being a piece of ass. i was always the girl guys wanted to fuck, or fuck around with, not the girl they wanted to take home to mom, or marry. to wit, 9 guys i dated got engaged within one year of us breaking up, with the very next woman they dated. it's a blow to the self esteem, let me tell you.

now that i'm older, and more sure of myself, and of what i want, i won't settle anymore. i don't mind being raunchy with my 19 year old boytoys. i don't mind talking explicity about sex with my sister or best friends. i'm still not entirely too fond of the word buttplug coming out of my dad's mouth, but i'd rather hear it from my dad than from some guy i am just getting to know.

but hey, i got free cream cheese. things can't be all bad, eh?

today's photo:

me, circa 1978


trueborn said...

Us men are really inept these days.
When did we all go wrong?

Tippy said...

*snort* i wouldn't say inept. more like... oh meh. maybe inept. haha. or just... not paying attention.

Troy said...

Hey, I understand the distance thing. Most of my relatives (including immediate family) live in the Dakota-Minnesota area, where as I wound up in Texas. (I was trying for Oklahoma but overshot.)

Lisa said...

AWWWWWWWWW! You were so cute!!

What the hell happened? ;)

*ducks and runs*

Tippy said...

i may have to fuck you up, woman. ;)