30 March 2006

Carbs, please

So I am on this "diet." It's not a book diet, I'm not following anyone's "rules," I'm just trying to eat smarter, I cut my carbs down to Atkins-level for a couple weeks, and I'm really pleased with the results. However, I have a life-long chocolate addiction. So when I saw there is "0 Net Carbs" candy, well I had to have that.

Let me preface this with saying - no one ever told me about this stuff, and I hate all of you because of it.

3 pieces is one serving. I bought two types - chocolate covered toffee, and chocolate truffles. I had one serving of toffee, and then an hour or two later, one of the truffles. My best friend had a BITE of the toffee.

It began with the freight train rumbling from my lower chest down well into my bowels. That rumbled on and on for, oh, a good seven (7) hours. Every few minnutes, the freight train would make a stop at 'Rhea Junction, on its journey to what seemed to be the land of Montezuma's Revenge. This continued, again, for approximately 7 hours. My best friend had wicked gas, also about seven hours. And she is a bit of a delicate blossom. She does not walk around cutting a fart every few seconds on a regular basis. Not that I've ever been told about anyway.

Every time I even LOOKED at the bag of toffee - which by the way, tasted surprisingly good for something sugar-free and no-carb - a rumble of thunder eminated from my gut. I wound up throwing both bags away, mostly-full.

Me? I'll stick to my carb-and-sugar laden natural chocolate. Nothing tastes better, and it doesn't pencil me a date with my toilet for 7 straight hours.


NotCarrie said...

Yikes! Yeah, I'll take the sugar kind.

fyrchk said...

Yowza! I don't envy you that at all. I'm cutting out soda and it's killing me.

Tippy said...

notcarrie: If I have saved one person the pain, I have done my job. And you just can't beat real chocolate!

fyrchk: Soda was surprisingly easy. Replacing the sugar in my sweet tea with splenda? Not so much.

gizmorox said...

splenda is the death. anyway, don't you read the news? aspartame is the new not-cancerous artificiality.