13 May 2006

Disjointed

My thoughts are all running pall-mall through my mind, not really stopping long enough for me to get a full grasp on them. Maybe enough to glimpse the big picture of things, but no details. I keep coming up with things I want to do, only to forget them. I have cleaned everything but the kitchen and I hate cleaning up the kitchen.

I have no idea what to say half the time, and as people find out about my daddy (I told those closest to me right away, but word is still trickling down), all I can say to their condolences is, Thank you. I do not want to say I really do think he is in a better place, where he is not suffering, where his heart is healthy and he is not overweight, and can garden and putter around to his heart's content. But I know he misses us too. And Jesus knows we miss him.

I keep finding myself thinking of things I want to tell him, or thinking, I'll see him next weeke-- oh.I have a new perspective on songs, and see them from the point of view of permanently losing a huge part of your life. Everything seems to have new meaning, and I have to say - losing Daddy, living in a world without him, has always been my greatest fear. And now I live in that world, and I haven't begun to even get a grasp on it. In time, I imagine it gets easier.

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