23 August 2006

Apple doesn't fall far from the tree

I had a dream last night that I had gone grocery shopping, and then I woke up to pee. Then I had another dream that I LEFT THE GROCERIES IN THE TRUNK OF THE CAR ALL DAY! For someone as broke as me (I define broke at this moment in time. Challenge me. I dare you. I get paid monthly. HAH I WIN!), this is a nightmare of epic proportions! And for some reason, I bought a whole hell of a lot of cheese. I love cheese, don't get me wrong, but in said dream, I bought far more than I can ever imagine eating in a month. Yes, I have to grocery shop for a month at a time. Don't suggest anything cutesy like dividing my grocery money and go shopping weekly because it doesn't happen. If I have money, it must be spent. There are bills and semi-threatening envelopes exclaiming FINAL NOTICE and until my phone was shut off, there were a lot of calls. Mostly from the car people. I have their god damned "pay us or die" voice mail memorized.

I kind of came to a realization the other night, upon receiving a phone bill for $234, that perhaps I'm not really ready to be a Mommy yet. Perhaps I should work on actually paying all my bills, and not squandering money without regard in order to IM people on my phone when the computer is not working. Perhaps I should wait until I do not have the possible threat of car repo hanging over my head. Perhaps I should learn to take care of my damned self. Although, I've always been one of those people that everyone turns to for advice, because I am SO GOD DAMNED BRILLIANT at advice. I am like Yoda. I am like Ann Landers. I can feed and diaper a baby, carry on a conversation about farts and asparagus pee, watch another small child with the eyes in the back of my head, and also tell someone why they should leave their loser of a boyfriend and exactly what aspects of his personality will manifest in what way. AND I AM ALWAYS RIGHT.

I'm a do as I say not as I do type of person. So was Daddy, so I guess it stands to reason. I can't take care of me, but I know for a fact I can take care of and raise a well adjusted child, even though it's infrequent I go a week without having a mild panic attack over something or the other.

So I'm thinking carefully about the baby. I'm actually researching this for once (I never research anything - why bother when you can jump in with both feet?). All options are being investigated and exhausted, all avenues explored, all worst-case-scenarios drawn up and eventualities prepared for.

But I have picked out names.


chelene said...

I can't save money. Well, that's not true...I have a 401k but that money comes directly out of my salary so I don't have a chance to get my hot little hands on it. If I did, it would be gone in two seconds. I pay my bills on time but it upsets my mother to no end that I live check to check. She can't believe she raised a child that only has a checking account.

gizmorox said...

Chel - mine too! She tells me every other time she calls that I should get a savings account. I laugh and say, sure, with what money? I blame it on her for not teaching me to save. I blame everything on her. It's pretty convenient that way.

And Tippy - I'd wait and see how you feel about babies until Aiden hits five. If you make it through him being four years old, you'll know you can do anything.

Tippy said...

chel: dear god me too. although, my mom has pretty much given up on the idea of me being solvent. after all - she taught me. but at least i have the 401(k).

giz: damn you for making a fine point. BUT I WILL BE OLD THEN! WHAT IF I AM INFERTILE?