19 September 2006

It's hockey season, people!

Yes! Hockey season! The greatest seasons of all seasons, besides my birthday season (note: also upcoming! I will be 24 again for the brazillianth time!). I know you don't give a shit, internet, but pretend you do, just for my sake. Please? Pretty please? With Todd Bertuzzi being eaten by an alligator on top?

Preseason games are on from now until about the 1st of October, then the real season begins on the 5th. Nothing really is being broadcast in my area until the 5th, and then begins the festivus known as Center Ice. Are you sort of maybe interested in hockey? Have digital cable and $129 (early bird special!) to waste? Then Center Ice is for you, my friends! Every! Single! Game! Broadcast (local blackout restrictions apply)! Which equates to 2,460 hockey games ALL RIGHT THERE ON YOUR TV! And you know what, internet? I will do my damndest to watch them all.

This... obsession, shall we say, with this game began when I was merely 11 years old, and afflicted with something called insomnia. Flipping through the channels at 11pm when my parents were in bed, I stumbled upon a Western Conference game on ESPN, and promptly fell head over heels in love with Luc Robitaille. He retired this past season after a tremendously successful career, which prompted me to feel OLDER THAN DIRT because I saw his very first NHL game.

I can't explain why I love this game, except that it moves fast, and there are quite a few rules you have to understand to get what the fuck is going on, and I have ADD. Like a mofo. So it appeals to my utter inability to pay attention to and process anything for more than 38 seconds, which is the length of time of the average shift in a game of hockey. See? We were meant for each other, hockey and I. Add in the fact that I know about 25 professional hockey players, I can't get over the stunning hotness of many of them, and that my grandpa's French Canadian, and it's a love affair that was meant to be.

Life is on hold for me during the off season. But come late September/early October, my life again has meaning and joy, and every night is another game to look forward to watching. It's a frenzy of ecstasy that lasts until mid June, when the Stanley Cup, the greatest trophy in all sports, is awarded.

Allow me to close this post with a quote from one of the best comedians to ever live, Denis Leary:

It's brutal out there - people tryin' to knock you down, shake you up, make you quit. It's called hockey. Sound familiar? It's a lot like life. You want to succeed? You gotta be tough, stand up for yourself. Sometimes you dish it out. Other times? You gotta take it. But you keep. Getting. Up. No matter how much it hurts. Give up? Give in? Wha? Pft, yeah, right. Never! Rough stuff? Hey, you gotta defend yourself and your friends. That's what it's all about. That's. What friends. Do. Yeah it's aggressive, and I like it. Why? Because. I. Get it.
Welcome back, hockey. I missed you.


chelene said...

My only hockey crush is Mark Messier. If you know Mark you can give him the jerk chicken instead of mailing it to me. I'll be sure to be home when he arrives.

I'm also a big NY Rangers fan.

Tippy said...

I do love me some Mess. I cried when he retired!

Lisa said...


not that he ever had control of the remote in the first place, mind you.... ;-)

Tippy said...

Hee! But way to let him think he has an iota of control!