17 October 2006

Things to think about...

Because I'm me, and it's how I roll, I skipped the pre-conceptual appointment yesterday. Dude, don't give me that look. It was at 8am, somewhere in town that I've never been. Do you realise that would require me to rise at an hour akin to "the ass crack of dawn?" Unless a screaming baby is involved (and I mean literally involved, not hypothetically-in-the-future involved), I'm just not doing it. Or money... I'd do it for money.

But this great book came in my mail the other day - Choosing Single Motherhood (The Thinking Woman's Guide)
. I have only gotten through three chapters, but it's very engaging and well written, and has given me things to consider that I previously hadn't. My main concern with all of this - with choosing to be a single mom, has been the cost. And a good point was made in the book - everyone needs their own "level of financial comfort" and everyone is different. I personally can go without... pretty much anything. I would obviously want to keep my internet, particularly if I were to make a go of blogging this whole experience, preferrably for money, and during the season, I would want to keep Center Ice. Those two "needs" aside, everything else is pretty flexible.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about all of this - a lot. I will say right up front though, that I want a boy. I don't want a daughter. I don't want a little girl. Were I to get pregnant, and it be a girl? Obviously I would love her as best I can, but I would also be disappointed, because my entire life, whenever I considered having children, I wanted a son. I even have his name picked out. I've heard there are some things you can do to try and force the sex of the child, but I don't know that they're that much more than old wives' tales.

I've also already taken a pro-active stance on this, and whenever I reach for an impulse buy in the stores, I think "money for baby." I wish I'd been thinking it earlier in the month when I went on a depression-inspired spending spree with all the free money I had (and some I didn't). Granted, a good portion of it went towards paying bills current, and even off, but nonetheless. Money I could have saved for baby.

The main thing I really need to concentrate on right now is setting up a blog (maybe using this one??) and trying to become prolific enough to get paid to blog. I think my story - choosing single motherhood - is one people want to read about. I just have to write it well enough that people do read it, and that advertisers clammor to put their ads on my site. I want to write to Amalah, Dooce, and Finslippy, and see if I can pick their brains, and they'll give any advice on how they built up readership, and how they went about being sponsored. Does the world need another "Mommy Blog?" Probably not. But a Single-Mommy-by-Choice blog... that's another thing entirely. And I imagine will present a whole new set of challenges and experiences that would provide, well, good content. It's strangely cyclic - I want to have the baby so I need to blog but to get into the meat of good content, I need at least the pregnancy, although perhaps my odyssey of getting pregnant solo will be good reads. Who's to say?

I can't won't put my child in daycare, or leave him/her with a nanny. Not only could I never be able to afford it on my salary, but my entire life, I have been strongly against even the thought of allowing someone else to raise my child, and experience all of my baby's milestones in my stead, while I work to bring home the bacon. This is where having a husband would probably come in handy, but I'm not going to wait for that to have a child. I've accepted Mr Right might never show up, and I don't really care anymore. I'm not going to wait for him to start my life.

ETA: I got this fortune cookie today at lunch. Interesting.

Begin nothing until you have considered how it is to be finished.

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